My Holiday Survival Guide - On the Art of Sharing Joy

There are times to be happy and times to be happier, the holidays are made for that. You can be happy and celebrate if you have enough time to do that. If not everything becomes a dreadful drag, annoying to the max. So, how to survive holidays without stressing out about it?

my favorite star

for my Christmas tree

handmade by Ania

First, limit the number of events, gifts, projects. If you do not finish something, do not worry. You can always do it next year. I send Christmas cards by mail, still, because I like it. I start addressing them from different end of the alphabet each year, in this way if I run out of time and do not send some cards one year, I'm sure to send it the next year, I'll do more than half each time... That's the virtue of moderation...

a wine-red planet

filled with surprises inside - 

a pomegranate

Second, enjoy the moment. Holidays are for taking time OFF projects and work, and we managed to convert them into MORE work. So let's reverse the trend and from time to time just do nothing. Buy fewer, less expensive, more engaging gifts. Like books, or favorite movie classics, or board games...
Spend time outside, go to the park, work in the garden, or take that book you were going to give away for Christmas but just could not stop yourself from reading and lie down on a blanket in your backyard or sit on your favorite chair on your balcony, and enjoy!  That's the virtue of wisdom or prudence..

bright red and green 

for December, for July - 

joy in the garden

Third, be always grateful and kind. So you had that fender bender in the Christmas tree parking lot? Are you going to get mad and start yelling at the other party, or are you going to wish them Merry Christmas anyway?  Are you going to cut off someone in traffic because you have to be everywhere first, or are you going to drive more carefully, listening to your favorite Christmas carols, and singing along to your heart delight? So what if you are five minutes late? OK, an hour is a problem, but then you have to leave much, much earlier.  That's the virtue of gratitude with kindness.

like a pomegranate

we are seeds tightly packed

onto our planet

Fourth rule is about sharing. And what about the unwanted gifts, those ugly sweaters, or ridiculous decorations you have no room for? Say thanks, appreciate the intention, and send good thoughts to the misguided giver, and then... give it to someone else who might like it, or donate it to a charity. You'd be surprised how many charities would like some extra Christmas decorations or ugly sweaters, especially those dealing with the homeless. The most important thing is the intention of sharing and celebrating together. The joy of Christmas... That's the virtue of generosity...

And when you make your gifts or bring things to a holiday gathering, remember it is all about time and effort and intention, and not at all about money. I remember a lovely Tibetan tale about the Emperor who ha donkey ears and his barber's mom, who saved the boy's life by baking sweet-scented cookies made of milk, rice flower, and the full power of her motherly love... The Emperor was so moved by them that he relented and allowed the barber to live, even though he killed all other ones, out of fear that they would have exposed his ridiculous secret. On one level, we all have our own donkey ears, our ugly secrets. On another, we all know how to bake cookies filled with love...

a kiss a day

makes sorrow go away

twice as fast

Fifth Holiday Survival Rule is about writing and giving. Write something positive and nice about someone and give it to them. I do it every year at work, write 30 or more cards with personal messages to my co-workers I share most of my daylight hours with. They are happy to eat a Lindt chocolate and read their card, with  smiles on their faces. Yet their joy does not compare with the joy I feel when I think of all these good wishes for all these good people - every time I write "may your year be full of health, happiness, prosperity and peace" I feel a bit lighter... That's one reason why I do it. It makes me feel better, be better.  That's the virtue of service.

inside is outside 

red seeds on top of Pavlova -

my daughter's gift

That's the real antidote of stressing out whether the gifts are elegant enough, the wrapping is perfect enough, the cake is decorated well enough, the house is spotless, and the parties' guest list most fashionable and distinguished... Just give the gifts of appreciation and love to all those around you and by the very act of giving, you will receive so much joy in return.

Today, I picked photos of pomegranates from my garden to illustrate this post, even though the pomegranates are all eaten, by me, squirrels, and birds, and the trees barren, even the golden leaves have fallen off. The pomegranate is the fruit of love and abundance: all these delicious little fruits packed so tightly inside! Like humans and other living sentient beings on our planet. So tightly, we cannot help by adjust our rough corners to others next to us...and love them as we love ourselves!

red fruit gone

pomegranate turns  pure gold -

 timeless riches

Finally, Christmas holiday is placed on the calendar near the Winter Solstice, when the days stop becoming shorter and nights longer, and after the longest night, the Earth becomes brighter and brighter every day... In the Northern hemisphere, at last. So it is a celebration of the victory of Light over Darkness, the victory of Love over Lack of Love... the Victory of Victory of the Great Cosmic Victory, and on, ad infinitum....

Bright Sun above , its radiance all around me

Bright Sun within, awakened by its touch

I breathe the Light, my heart sings of its brilliance

My mind my body dance in endless Light.

My days are full of peace, pure radiant beauty

Bright Sun above, my joy, my love, my light. 

How can you turn towards Light, when you are too busy to breathe? Or so it seems with under the avalanche of so many "to-dos" every day... Here are some simple meditations on Light inside you an Light around you that you do not have to memorize, read in their entirety, but simply imagine. Imagination works! It will clear the space around you, clear your mind, and clear your heart... Ready? Get going!

Imagine, A Poem of Light

Are you an apple? Or maybe a ripe seed 
inside an apple of light - so you are snug
and safe in the core of a torus of light rays?
You are wrapped in white light, dazzling 
rays flowing around, from your crown into 
toes, enveloping you in a bright cocoon 
of magnetic lines, with six-winged angels 
on all sides, gladly watching over you...

Are you, perhaps, a fountain? 
Your heart, a spring of goodness.
Liquid light overflows all over you. 
Your heart-beat marks a smooth rhythm 
of the gentle pulse of the heart fountain. 
This light is the miracle you forget about 
every day, oblivious, while your blood carries 
your heart-light into every cell of the body.

Not a fountain? Then, a star, maybe? 
Or two stars. The larger one brightly shines
on your chest, its rays straight and dazzling.
Multicolored sparkles dance in brightness.
Another star glows on your forehead, 
as new and radiant as your heart star.
Here you are: a rainbow of light  
still shining - shining - shining - 

(c) Maja Trochimczyk, 2018

a sunburst 

and a pink umbrella

all made of light

compete with red leaves

for my attention

Imagination and meditation are very important. There are only two forces in the entire cosmos - love that connects everything and fear that destroys everything. Or Love an Lack. So you have to turn to love and cut yourself off from fear. "I revoke, or cancel all contracts and agreements wtih the dark, for the dark, all in the present, future and the past. I dedicate my life to the service of love and light." Now, everything is pure, bright, radiant divine love. So be it and so it is.

You could then bring this brightness to everyone you know. In the "Loving Kindness Meditation" you open your heart to send prayers and good wishes out for all beings. I found it on Stillness in the Storm blog:

"Beginning with yourself you say: May I be well, May I be happy, May I be at peace. Then you move onto friends and family members, repeating the phrases  (May you be well, May you be happy, May you be at peace), while visualising your loved ones. Finally you move onto someone you are having difficulties with, bring them into your mind and repeat the heartfelt prayers that they be well, happy and at peace. You can also use Loving Kindness Meditation to pray for groups of people, animals, or the whole world." Easy, non?

Time for a Christmas poem, then. With all the things to do this year, I finally wrote a new Christmas poem, but I'm also reproducing here a favorite from the past.

like the red thread

in the hand-embroidered sign -

love is everything

Christmas  is Love

Did you know that Christmas
Is love, love, love, only love 
To be shared and cherished?
When baking together, hands
Covered in flour, fingertips
Sweetened with chopped figs 
Or purple from peeling beets
For the barszcz, the Wigilia staple,
While the honeyed voice of 
Nat King Cole asks us to have 
Ourselves a merry, little Christmas.

Love means sharing a laugh 
At the antics of the dog that runs 
In circles on the lawn, so happy 
To be free without leash, orders to 
Sit, roll, be still, obey the master. 
Love is a quiet moment thinking
How to write the warmest wishes
To send far away, so far, this year
So that only kindest feelings
Are captured in words that glisten 
With happiness and affection.

Merry Christmas!!!

(c) 2018 by Maja Trochimczyk

Merry Christmas to all! 

Happy New Year 2019! 

On Virtues and Gratitude in Time for Thanksgiving

For my class on Ethics and Values in the Arts that I taught at the Pitchess Detention Center in Castaic, I tried to simplify the centuries of moral teaching into a clear scheme that's easy to visualize and remember. I came up with an idea of focusing on virtues, and selected Four Cardinal Virtues as the core. I enriched this framework with what I called the Four Moral Actions. Below are fragments of my introduction that outline some of these fruitful ideas. I end with a couple of poems on gratitude, that I'm gradually learning every day.

On Cardinal Virtues and Moral Actions

What is a Virtue? Virtues are character traits that help individuals orient their lives towards a greater good. Virtues help people act properly, morally. The word “virtue” stems from a Latin root, “virtus” – which, in turn, comes from the word “vir” – “man.” The dictionary definition brings together several related meanings:

• 1. Moral excellence; goodness; righteousness.
• 2. Conformity of one's life and conduct to moral/ethical principles; uprightness; rectitude.
• 3. A particular moral excellence, like cardinal virtues
• 4. A good or admirable quality or property: the virtue of knowing one's weaknesses.

A traditional list is that of the Seven Contrary Virtues which are opposites of the Seven Deadly Sins:

• Humility – the opposite of Pride
• Kindness – the opposite of Envy
• Abstinence – the opposite of Gluttony
• Chastity – the opposite of Lust
• Patience – the opposite of Anger
• Liberality – the opposite of Greed
• Diligence – the opposite of Sloth

Its focus on the negative, the deadly sins merely mirrored in the positive attributes, has underscored centuries of moral education that centered on avoidance of evil and fear of punishment, instead of pursuit of the greater good for good’s sake. The purpose of virtues is to act more human, to help create and strengthen societal bonds based on love (trust, honesty, fairness) and to help each individual succeed in his or her pursuit of personal happiness.

In the 20th century, a French philosopher, Andre Comte-Sponville wrote a treatise about 18 different virtues, which included all the above Spiritual/Cardinal Virtues and more. This set of virtues appears in the context of his atheistic and humanistic philosophy: Politeness, Fidelity, Prudence, Temperance, Courage, Justice, Generosity, Compassion, Mercy, Gratitude, Humility, Simplicity, Tolerance, Purity, Gentleness, Good Faith, Humor, Love.

 The unusual list includes the “pre-virtue” of politeness with a surprising and the novel virtue of humor. The discussion of these virtues will be focused on their links to underlying values – physical, psychological or spiritual, and their expressions from the values of being useful, through being pleasurable, to being, to being spiritual.

What about the Cardinal Virtues?

They were outlined in the classic antiquity by Aristotle and Plato:

•  Courage (Fortitude), 
• Wisdom (Prudence), 
• Justice, and 
• Moderation (Restraint, Temperance).

These “four cornerstones of the soul” have been taught to generations to create a moral framework for individual lives and create a balance between the excesses of each of these virtues appearing by itself, in isolation. In the four-part ethical framework presented here, the severity of Justice is balanced by the gentleness of Wisdom (Prudence), which, without the urgent sense of fairness could devolve into fear and inaction. The bravado of Courage (Fortitude) is balanced by the meekness of Moderation (Temperance, Restraint), which, without the passion of courage, may result in withdrawal and passivity.

The image of the “cardinal” virtues is related to the “cardinal points” on a map (North-East-South-West), as a compass for moral life. In a graphic representation, the virtues are located at 0, 90, 180, and 270 degrees on the circle, with the heart of an individual in its center. In another image, they form a circle around a central point and connect to one another; thus surrounding and protecting the core of one’s being.
The balancing act of practicing the cardinal virtues requires a focus on the present, on this infinitely small point in time in which we live, constantly moving from the past to the future. It is by paying attention to present actions, thoughts, and emotions, and by seeking the proper balance of justice with wisdom, and courage with moderation, that an individual may act in a virtuous way and may set a course of his/her life towards real happiness.

The four cardinal virtues, practiced in a way that they balance each other and help the individual remain in the center: courage will be tempered by moderation, wisdom will inform justice. The virtues will change the invisible attitude but will be visibly expressed in moral actions. The direction for the cardinal virtues, the “needle of the compass” are the three spiritual virtues: faith (in one’s own goodness and potential on the one hand and in the goodness of the world on the other), hope (in one’s ability to accomplish one’s goals in the future and in the benevolence of others who will be helpful and will share one’s successes and help on the spiritual path) and love (for oneself and others, spreading from within in concentric circles from the nearest kin and closest friends, to all people).

THE CORNERSTONE

Justice: Do what's right, what's fair.

Fortitude:  Keep smiling. Grin and bear.

Temperance: Don't take more than your share.

Prudence: Choose wisely. Think and care.

Find yourself deep within your heart

               In a circle of cardinal virtues

                                  The points of your compass

                                                    YOUR CORNERSTONE.

Once you've mastered the steps, new ones appear:

Faith:   You are not alone . . .
Hope:  And all shall be well . . .
Love:    The very air we breathe

                          WHERE WE ARE. . .

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The poem may be recited by a group of at least three participants -  the colors indicate individual voices and the text in black font and caps is said by the whole group. Try it!

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Virtues in Practice: Moral Actions

In order to be fully effective and surround the individual with a protective circle that will ensure selecting the best option from thousands of possible choices, the Cardinal Virtues should be associated with a mirror framework of four Moral Actions that both modify and express them.

• Compassion (Justice) – I am compassionate, I share pain
• Forgiveness (Courage) – I am forgiving, I let go of pain
• Generosity (Moderation) – I am generous, I share joy
• Gratitude (Wisdom) – I am grateful, I thank for joy

I selected these four Moral Actions from a multitude of possibilities as echoes or reflections of emotions with which they are bound; these are the opposite of such actions that would result from fully giving in to negative emotions.Compassion or co-suffering is an antidote for anger and grief; it helps break the isolation and alienation caused by the negativity of violence (anger) or withdrawal (grief). Forgiveness breaks apart the toxic shame and fear that again, prevent us from integrating ourselves into whole and healthy individuals and connecting to others in a healthy, well-adjusted way. It is, by far, the hardest of all Moral Actions, as it is based on overcoming the consequences of profound traumas, seared in the memory of pain. Generosity reaches out to the others, while Gratitude permeates the person and all the individual actions with a spirit of thankfulness that lights it all up with joy from within.

The Moral Actions, when taken and practiced together, unify a person’s core being around positive, healing attitude that extend from self to others, from an individual self-definition, to the self-in-the-world. Compassion and Generosity breaks the isolation and create communities. Forgiveness and Gratitude have the greatest healing impact internally, when applied to oneself. Practicing these Moral Actions, based within Cardinal Virtues is a transformative act that results in the healing of an individual person while simultaneously healing the world. Through the practice of Virtue, the present moment is permeated with positive Moral Actions.

Justice is truly “fair” when it is based on compassion, defined as shared suffering, “feeling for/with the other,” or “I know your pain.” Courage to forgive is far more powerful than courage to fight, it is far more liberating than courage to merely endure and survive. Forgiveness gives rise to courage, courage to forgiveness. The generosity of sharing joy may be the one difference between a true saint and an ordinary moral person. For the ordinary person, lacking the convictions or the endurance of a saint, generosity is to be tempered by Moderation, all actions made within reason. True Wisdom arises from gratitude: we are deeply thankful for every opportunity to feel, live and share, grateful for every day, every breath. Immanuel Kant (1724-1804) expressed the feeling of universal gratitude in a beautiful maxim: “Two things awe me the most: the starry sky above me and the moral law within me.”

Intertwined with the Cardinal Virtues, the four Moral Actions form yet another protective circle of goodness. Compassion and Generosity are primarily directed outside the circle, towards others whose suffering we understand and with whom we share our gifts. Forgiveness and Gratitude are primarily directed inwardly. We heal ourselves first; we learn to be thankful for our own gifts first. Then we can turn towards the others. The image of oxygen masks falling down on the plane is appropriate here: the adult passengers have to put on, adjust and fasten their own masks first, and only later, while already able to breathe, they should turn to take care of others. We heal ourselves by forgiving ourselves first and by learning to be thankful for the little things in life. Then, we can go on and find a place, mission, or purpose for our future Moral Actions concerning others.

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SONG OF GRATITUDE

Love’s gift cannot be given, It waits to be accepted
~ Rabindranath Tagore, “Fireflies”

I’m filled with gratitude. It makes me sleepy.
I’m ready to purr with contentment
like a stray cat that found its pillow.

The warmth of satiation shines
a smile plays in the corner of my mouth,
full of your kisses - the softest kind.

My lungs expand with fresh afternoon breeze
bearing a hint of orange blossoms
Too early for jasmine. I close my eyes.

I live in the moment when our togetherness
slipped from my fingers. I listen
to the monotone chant of the mourning dove.

I watch the ruckus of house sparrows
fighting for a crumb on a cement path
overgrown with weeds, sprouting through crevices.

Life is stronger than stone.

I’m grateful for each breath
filled with loving you. I rest
in this knowledge, this air...

The Good One, the All-Knowing Wisdom
will not deny my prayers. Shameless, insistent,
I’m the dove that refuses to be silent.

This is my song. This is my melody,
My thankfulness, my Amen.

Let it be, God, let him be. 


(c) 2009 by Maja Trochimczyk

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A Box of Peaches

You locked your Wisdom in a gilded box
Placed dainty flowers where metal bars
Cross to hold them

You made a window for Compassion
To look out from onto the world

Glowing with the unseen

Would the talisman of the Smiling One

In your pocket save you? Draw luck
To your game of cards?

Let it be, let the ancient words fall

On a carpet of bronze petals on your path
Dappled with tree shadows 

Walk slowly through the magic

Orchard filled with an avalanche of peaches
Ripening in the sunset

Stoop down to pick one, feel its warmth
In your hand, taste the mellow richness
beneath the fuzzy, wrinkled skin

Say to no one in particular
The sun maybe, or the tree, or this late hour – 
Thank you, yes, thank you very much


(c) 2011 by Maja Trochimczyk

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NOTE: Photos of pomegranates and Liquid Amber trees in Sunland, November 2012 by Maja Trochimczyk.  The peaches were too early. We ate them in July.